An ongoing evolutionary collaborative free-range Atkin's friendly, wardrobe malfunction-free, literary blog. Tastes like chicken, smells like pennies, thinks like Sloths. Hand me your cash, we need an editor.
Aisha. Gesundheit.
Sam: Destiny flirted with Aisha. She always knew the secret was under her parents' bed. Throughout her adolescence, Aisha knew the goods lay underneath the king size Sealy Posturepedic. If only she could see the bounty that was hidden in the square compartments that were the waterbed frame...................
shirl: a full supply of feet in tube socks, laced up in running shoes, all neatly placed like sardines in a can in each compartment. But why?
She pulled at the long hair on her chin. She was blind but could still detect they were of human form.
Sam: Feet? FEET? The RCMP's hotline was off the hook and inconsolable.
Shirley: Speaking of which, her father was an x-RCMP and had been working part-time at the shipyards and had mentioned how he had a hankering to rid the foreign ships coming to port of stowaways...
Sam: ..Not the least of which was Perry, ohhh.. Perry. A languid and wistful sort of a man. He was legendary for his ability to wink in Morse code.
Shirley: One day Larry came to our home, and said there was going to be a big pet show in our town. "That's swell!," I said. "I'm sure Fido will win." Fido is our pet whale. She is really smart. She can do lots of tricks. She's very good at Morse Code too, and jumps over moored ships.
On the day of the pet show, I got up early, washed Fido, and tied her favorite sock around her neck. She looked grizzled.
Sam: Whale watchers from all over the globe came, saw, and came again.
Shirley: I couldn't believe all the pets at the show. On one side of us, there was a jumbo shrimp. On the other side was a Chinese eel.
At that point, the judges came by. We showed them how Fido could balance a lantern on her dorsal fin. The judges were very impressed.
Sam: "Fido has a line from GOD," the judges screamed. Meanwhile, the judge on the left placed his hand in his lap.
This judge, one honorable Herb Utsmelz, sprang to his feet to address the crowd.
Shirley: "All right all you bloody idiots....who put crabs in my rubber boots?" The crowd roared with laughter, all the while watching him squirm with delight. Second runner up was the striped sea lion, taking the red ribbon for his classical jazz rendition of Slap Those Flippers. Destiny flirted with Aisha just at that moment as she smelled the air, nostrils aflare.
Sam: Aisha suddenly realized she was without her nasal spray. Lacking a lackey, she was forced to go to Mall-Wart by herself. Approaching the parking lot of said business, Ed McMahon jumped in front of her car. This was not correct.
Shirley: "I'm looking for Carmac the Great.
Have you seen him?," he asked, while fumbling with his American Family Publishers Sweepstakes papers. 
She replied, "I'm sorry Ed, but my father has feet under his bed, I have nasal constraints, and not qualified to drive due to blindness. So i think my priority takes precedence over your concerns, but if you will hop in and take it from here, I'll let you share my nasal spray....
Sam: Unknown to the rest of the participants, Tommy Newsom and Paul Shaffer were in the trunk discussing plans to thwart the plans. Tommy: "Got sax?" Paul: "Sure. Got wire?" Then the mission was on!
Shirley: Suddenly, the Walmart security walked over and demanded to know the exact reason for their grouping around the car in the parking lot....Ed wasn't sure who he was last time he checked, and responded...
Sam: The drummer spilled the beans. "Hellllo?" he touted. "Can't you see I'm the smartest one here???"
Shirley: Ed's blurry eyes became clear and he sternly replied, "How do you know if a drummer's at the door?" The drummer replied, "The knocking speeds up." "Dammit man, you are so right," said Ed. Then Ed asked, "How can you tell if the stage is level?" Replied the drummer, "When I drool from both sides of my mouth."
Ed was impressed, and passed out free tickets to the Johnny Carson show. Everyone just politely thanked him, then tossed him into the trunk of the car.
Sam: Everybody thought Ed was dead, but Ed was a lot more feisty than he was given credit for. At the traffic signal between Hollywood and Vine, Ed had to piss. So he did.
Shirley: That was the final straw. They opened the trunk, tossed old Ed out at the Brown Derby, and continued on their way to make a visit to the king size Sealy Posturepedic at Aisha's parents' place. They closely kept watch to make sure the place was secure as they slipped into the house and got the goods...
Sam: Tongues collided. Membranes merged.
Horses and mattresses lived as one. Goods became bads. Bads became goods. Pupils studied their teachers. Teachers studied their students. The media rejoiced........................
Shirley: the peasants rejoiced. They trimmed the hedges of many small villages....the cows came home to be milked...the whale played with its dorsal fin...mysteriously the booted feet began to dance...it was all soooo very shocking and then, there was a knock at the door...
Sam: Oh fuck, it's Shirley's husband........!
Shirley: ......he had just arrived clad in aeronautical attire, after descending from the blue skies, holding a.....
Sam: Balloon. It was a thick one. Capable of 300 PSI, and specs of thickness heretofore unheard of, he handed it to the person standing abreast of him.
Shirley: The idea he had was to harness Fido and raise that whale to 10,000 feet over the ocean with the balloon and drop her to make a record for the largest splash by a mammal. It was a daunting task, but could get them into the Guinness Book of World Records. If not, then at least it would cool off the masses viewing from shore with the spray.
Sam: "Florence?" Malcolm said. His wife looked at him with suspicion. "Florence! Florence, Oregon, 1975! I remember you!," he cried. It was the great dynamitic whale dismemberment of Florence, Oregon.
He paused to remember. His pinky wiped a tear. Still, wrong whale. Another mammal would have to do for now.
Any mammal would suffice at this point. Our man was looking, and looking hard.
Shirley: Aisha needed credentials. If not her pet whale as arranged, then what, and how? She quizzed herself within. I wonder if this had been tried already with a number of humanoids within the harness and blopped enmass thereby dismembering said individuals, and could those be the secreted supply of feet placed like sardines in each compartment in her parents' bed?
Sam: It wouldn't matter. After her parents' death, the house was left intestate. Forty-five years later, the house was sold. The new owners bought the property as a tax write-off, and never bothered to move any of the furniture. The old man used the back bedroom for storage.
The old lady visited the estate from time to time. She'd sit on the front step and ramble on about...things.
Shirley: She then unquizzed herself as she reveled in this nonsensical information she had attained over the years...and shook Malcolm's latex gloved hand and sent him off on his next task, which will remain nameless. She took a giant taco salad and threw it into the old lady's face as she ascended the steps to the house, and took her whale's favorite sock to have it embroidered with turtles.
All is well. The turtles know.
Sam: Destiny flirted with Aisha. She always knew the secret was under her parents' bed. Throughout her adolescence, Aisha knew the goods lay underneath the king size Sealy Posturepedic. If only she could see the bounty that was hidden in the square compartments that were the waterbed frame...................
shirl: a full supply of feet in tube socks, laced up in running shoes, all neatly placed like sardines in a can in each compartment. But why?
She pulled at the long hair on her chin. She was blind but could still detect they were of human form.
Sam: Feet? FEET? The RCMP's hotline was off the hook and inconsolable.
Shirley: Speaking of which, her father was an x-RCMP and had been working part-time at the shipyards and had mentioned how he had a hankering to rid the foreign ships coming to port of stowaways...
Sam: ..Not the least of which was Perry, ohhh.. Perry. A languid and wistful sort of a man. He was legendary for his ability to wink in Morse code.
Shirley: One day Larry came to our home, and said there was going to be a big pet show in our town. "That's swell!," I said. "I'm sure Fido will win." Fido is our pet whale. She is really smart. She can do lots of tricks. She's very good at Morse Code too, and jumps over moored ships.
On the day of the pet show, I got up early, washed Fido, and tied her favorite sock around her neck. She looked grizzled.
Sam: Whale watchers from all over the globe came, saw, and came again.
Shirley: I couldn't believe all the pets at the show. On one side of us, there was a jumbo shrimp. On the other side was a Chinese eel.
At that point, the judges came by. We showed them how Fido could balance a lantern on her dorsal fin. The judges were very impressed.
Sam: "Fido has a line from GOD," the judges screamed. Meanwhile, the judge on the left placed his hand in his lap.
This judge, one honorable Herb Utsmelz, sprang to his feet to address the crowd.
Shirley: "All right all you bloody idiots....who put crabs in my rubber boots?" The crowd roared with laughter, all the while watching him squirm with delight. Second runner up was the striped sea lion, taking the red ribbon for his classical jazz rendition of Slap Those Flippers. Destiny flirted with Aisha just at that moment as she smelled the air, nostrils aflare.
Sam: Aisha suddenly realized she was without her nasal spray. Lacking a lackey, she was forced to go to Mall-Wart by herself. Approaching the parking lot of said business, Ed McMahon jumped in front of her car. This was not correct.
Shirley: "I'm looking for Carmac the Great.
Have you seen him?," he asked, while fumbling with his American Family Publishers Sweepstakes papers. She replied, "I'm sorry Ed, but my father has feet under his bed, I have nasal constraints, and not qualified to drive due to blindness. So i think my priority takes precedence over your concerns, but if you will hop in and take it from here, I'll let you share my nasal spray....
Sam: Unknown to the rest of the participants, Tommy Newsom and Paul Shaffer were in the trunk discussing plans to thwart the plans. Tommy: "Got sax?" Paul: "Sure. Got wire?" Then the mission was on!
Shirley: Suddenly, the Walmart security walked over and demanded to know the exact reason for their grouping around the car in the parking lot....Ed wasn't sure who he was last time he checked, and responded...
Sam: The drummer spilled the beans. "Hellllo?" he touted. "Can't you see I'm the smartest one here???"
Shirley: Ed's blurry eyes became clear and he sternly replied, "How do you know if a drummer's at the door?" The drummer replied, "The knocking speeds up." "Dammit man, you are so right," said Ed. Then Ed asked, "How can you tell if the stage is level?" Replied the drummer, "When I drool from both sides of my mouth."
Ed was impressed, and passed out free tickets to the Johnny Carson show. Everyone just politely thanked him, then tossed him into the trunk of the car.
Sam: Everybody thought Ed was dead, but Ed was a lot more feisty than he was given credit for. At the traffic signal between Hollywood and Vine, Ed had to piss. So he did.
Shirley: That was the final straw. They opened the trunk, tossed old Ed out at the Brown Derby, and continued on their way to make a visit to the king size Sealy Posturepedic at Aisha's parents' place. They closely kept watch to make sure the place was secure as they slipped into the house and got the goods...
Sam: Tongues collided. Membranes merged.
Horses and mattresses lived as one. Goods became bads. Bads became goods. Pupils studied their teachers. Teachers studied their students. The media rejoiced........................Shirley: the peasants rejoiced. They trimmed the hedges of many small villages....the cows came home to be milked...the whale played with its dorsal fin...mysteriously the booted feet began to dance...it was all soooo very shocking and then, there was a knock at the door...
Sam: Oh fuck, it's Shirley's husband........!
Shirley: ......he had just arrived clad in aeronautical attire, after descending from the blue skies, holding a.....
Sam: Balloon. It was a thick one. Capable of 300 PSI, and specs of thickness heretofore unheard of, he handed it to the person standing abreast of him.
Shirley: The idea he had was to harness Fido and raise that whale to 10,000 feet over the ocean with the balloon and drop her to make a record for the largest splash by a mammal. It was a daunting task, but could get them into the Guinness Book of World Records. If not, then at least it would cool off the masses viewing from shore with the spray.
Sam: "Florence?" Malcolm said. His wife looked at him with suspicion. "Florence! Florence, Oregon, 1975! I remember you!," he cried. It was the great dynamitic whale dismemberment of Florence, Oregon.
He paused to remember. His pinky wiped a tear. Still, wrong whale. Another mammal would have to do for now.Any mammal would suffice at this point. Our man was looking, and looking hard.
Shirley: Aisha needed credentials. If not her pet whale as arranged, then what, and how? She quizzed herself within. I wonder if this had been tried already with a number of humanoids within the harness and blopped enmass thereby dismembering said individuals, and could those be the secreted supply of feet placed like sardines in each compartment in her parents' bed?
Sam: It wouldn't matter. After her parents' death, the house was left intestate. Forty-five years later, the house was sold. The new owners bought the property as a tax write-off, and never bothered to move any of the furniture. The old man used the back bedroom for storage.
The old lady visited the estate from time to time. She'd sit on the front step and ramble on about...things.
Shirley: She then unquizzed herself as she reveled in this nonsensical information she had attained over the years...and shook Malcolm's latex gloved hand and sent him off on his next task, which will remain nameless. She took a giant taco salad and threw it into the old lady's face as she ascended the steps to the house, and took her whale's favorite sock to have it embroidered with turtles.
All is well. The turtles know.
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