An ongoing evolutionary collaborative free-range Atkin's friendly, wardrobe malfunction-free, literary blog. Tastes like chicken, smells like pennies, thinks like Sloths. Hand me your cash, we need an editor.
Pardon me, I beg of a full glorbitudinal terpitude ...
g_a_w_k: For some unfair reason, I had already told her that I wanted her to rape the grotesque word choice of the smut and re-purpose it for literary gain, when she quickly balked at my suggestion to become more involved in the prospects of becoming a writer.......
wonderbritches: I grabbed her and bent her over the desk and told her to "Relax, I'll drive"
g_a_w_k: She sensed that I had a driving curiosity for her prose...and a hankering to run a few errands - it was time to exit this popsicle shack of a hotdog stand when she asked for her purse and the set of keys for my Pontiac Fiero......
wonderbritches: so what if the Fiero was a rusted out bucket of bolts that blelched black clouds of exhaust that were environmentally harmful and more noxious than secondhand, cancer causing tobacco smoke, the thing would get her to the KwikyMart to pick up tampons and a cherry slushie.
g_a_w_k: Before I inquired Calmetta about the need for going to the store to get plugs and hydration, I candidly asked her what her name really meant. Her hair flippantly flapped her cheeks and caused her to casually chew on the redness of the strands.....she replied....
wonderbritches: "I have no feckin idea, my mom was still cranked on the crap they gave her to make the pain of pushing a bowling ball out a hole the size of a lemon go away when they asked her for a name." She had asked her mother about the name and her mother gave no reasonable excuse for the random act of malicious naming...
g_a_w_k: .....and the fact that my father loved to drink bloody marys - but he prefered making them with Clamato...a strange mix of spicey tomato juice and clam juice. I never understood that. But he was a sweet man, despite all the mutiple flaws as a floor manager for the OB factory outside Taladega (sp?), Florida where he used to skip out on his lunch breaks to watch NASCAR........
wonderbritches: so unfortunate the accident in which he died, a cotton dust explosion at the factory, horrible. She pulled herself out of her thoughts and asked him "Why did you want to know?"....
g_a_w_k: Brisbane wondered to himself how narrowly it took her father to extract himself from the explosion, completely bloodied, and worried about the toxicity and shock of the explosion - but from what Calmetta later described as pure fancifull full-bodied escape - her father later succumbed to a massive heart attack from the splendor of his sheer willingness to work for a woman-owned company. Brisbane wondered how it was possible for Calmetta's father to burst into such a marginalized role as a manager in the company - such a role model.......
wonderbritches: "Yo....Earth to Brisbane!" she snapped her fingers loudly an inch from his nose then waved her hand in front of him "Come back to Earth, Spandex Space Cadet, I asked you a question. Why the interest in the meaning of my name? AND...why the sudden interest in my literary droppings?"....
g_a_w_k: Brisbane stared off into space for a moment to gather his scattered thoughts of his Geico car insurance payment and if he applied the appropriate sunscreen, then he replied with a raspy Johnny Depp gurgle of a hacking phlegm glatch "Honey, I'm really unsure - I seem to know everything about you, except for your name. I know when you sleep, I know when you pet your cat, I know when you yawn, I know when you eat Jiff peanutbutter on cheap Ritz cracker knockoffs....I just like the etemological stylings of Ms Carlotta - I just wanna know who SHE is.....
wonderbritches: She cut him off. "Woah, hold up Mr. Creepy McStalker!" She gave him the stink eye and advanced menacingly towards him with his keys brandished as a weapon."It all fits....you're the spandex panty bandit! You were the one that stole my whities, and you bugged my apartment didnt you?".....
g_a_w_k: Caught in a gasp of denial, Brisbane suddenly horked a full snatch of glorbitudinal terpitude "I, I, I am NOT the neoprene lycra-hybrid microfiber undergarment nabber! I have no such means to heist such a beautiful deicate object of such affection. In no way am I guilty of such attrocious and unfounded behaviour. Please search my quarters to see that I am in no way in out of character of such the gentleman that I am!".......
wonderbritches: She backed off a bit and glared..."Then how do you know when I pet my pussy?"...
g_a_w_k: Poor Brisbane's face turned a bright shade of alizarin crimson while a pale ochre foam spittle edged the right side of his menacing grin "Darling, I beg of you - pardon me for saying that you have such a nice cat ..."
g_a_w_k: For some unfair reason, I had already told her that I wanted her to rape the grotesque word choice of the smut and re-purpose it for literary gain, when she quickly balked at my suggestion to become more involved in the prospects of becoming a writer.......wonderbritches: I grabbed her and bent her over the desk and told her to "Relax, I'll drive"
g_a_w_k: She sensed that I had a driving curiosity for her prose...and a hankering to run a few errands - it was time to exit this popsicle shack of a hotdog stand when she asked for her purse and the set of keys for my Pontiac Fiero......
wonderbritches: so what if the Fiero was a rusted out bucket of bolts that blelched black clouds of exhaust that were environmentally harmful and more noxious than secondhand, cancer causing tobacco smoke, the thing would get her to the KwikyMart to pick up tampons and a cherry slushie.
g_a_w_k: Before I inquired Calmetta about the need for going to the store to get plugs and hydration, I candidly asked her what her name really meant. Her hair flippantly flapped her cheeks and caused her to casually chew on the redness of the strands.....she replied....
wonderbritches: "I have no feckin idea, my mom was still cranked on the crap they gave her to make the pain of pushing a bowling ball out a hole the size of a lemon go away when they asked her for a name." She had asked her mother about the name and her mother gave no reasonable excuse for the random act of malicious naming...
g_a_w_k: .....and the fact that my father loved to drink bloody marys - but he prefered making them with Clamato...a strange mix of spicey tomato juice and clam juice. I never understood that. But he was a sweet man, despite all the mutiple flaws as a floor manager for the OB factory outside Taladega (sp?), Florida where he used to skip out on his lunch breaks to watch NASCAR........
wonderbritches: so unfortunate the accident in which he died, a cotton dust explosion at the factory, horrible. She pulled herself out of her thoughts and asked him "Why did you want to know?"....
g_a_w_k: Brisbane wondered to himself how narrowly it took her father to extract himself from the explosion, completely bloodied, and worried about the toxicity and shock of the explosion - but from what Calmetta later described as pure fancifull full-bodied escape - her father later succumbed to a massive heart attack from the splendor of his sheer willingness to work for a woman-owned company. Brisbane wondered how it was possible for Calmetta's father to burst into such a marginalized role as a manager in the company - such a role model.......
wonderbritches: "Yo....Earth to Brisbane!" she snapped her fingers loudly an inch from his nose then waved her hand in front of him "Come back to Earth, Spandex Space Cadet, I asked you a question. Why the interest in the meaning of my name? AND...why the sudden interest in my literary droppings?"....
g_a_w_k: Brisbane stared off into space for a moment to gather his scattered thoughts of his Geico car insurance payment and if he applied the appropriate sunscreen, then he replied with a raspy Johnny Depp gurgle of a hacking phlegm glatch "Honey, I'm really unsure - I seem to know everything about you, except for your name. I know when you sleep, I know when you pet your cat, I know when you yawn, I know when you eat Jiff peanutbutter on cheap Ritz cracker knockoffs....I just like the etemological stylings of Ms Carlotta - I just wanna know who SHE is.....
wonderbritches: She cut him off. "Woah, hold up Mr. Creepy McStalker!" She gave him the stink eye and advanced menacingly towards him with his keys brandished as a weapon."It all fits....you're the spandex panty bandit! You were the one that stole my whities, and you bugged my apartment didnt you?".....
g_a_w_k: Caught in a gasp of denial, Brisbane suddenly horked a full snatch of glorbitudinal terpitude "I, I, I am NOT the neoprene lycra-hybrid microfiber undergarment nabber! I have no such means to heist such a beautiful deicate object of such affection. In no way am I guilty of such attrocious and unfounded behaviour. Please search my quarters to see that I am in no way in out of character of such the gentleman that I am!".......wonderbritches: She backed off a bit and glared..."Then how do you know when I pet my pussy?"...
g_a_w_k: Poor Brisbane's face turned a bright shade of alizarin crimson while a pale ochre foam spittle edged the right side of his menacing grin "Darling, I beg of you - pardon me for saying that you have such a nice cat ..."
Nice literary jazz! I especially appreciate the coining of terms. Glatch and gorbitudinal are two of my favorites.
But you stopped -or edited - just when it was getting good.
Now I think I'll go labule myself. Thanks for the inspiration.